Shannon Fennell's Blog

My life, cooking, make-up, travel, the joy of home ownership and the occasional rant!

am I qualified to review a movie? Who cares, I’m going to!

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Mom and I saw Expendables today.  Used a gift card we got for Christmas so we didn’t pay!  Always nice.

Total spoiler here if you are planning to go see it… But… if you are planning to see it you already know what to expect.

First thing… there is FACE PAINTING in this movie!!!  LOL… not great face painting, but it is face painting!

Anyway… the best scene was Bruce and Arnie’s cameos… had a nice laugh there.

Too bad Dolph Lundgren cannot act his was out of a paper bag.  Extreme close-ups of Mickey Rourke are  not really his best side and the tears, well…

And if Stone Cold Steve Austin beats the crap out of a senior citizen (Stallone) he (Stallone) should NOT be getting up and running around!!  But this is a movie so, okay, you can get up and carry-on (or your stunt double is still laying there while you carry-on!)

Although I have to say that said Senior Citizen is looking pretty good…physically (contrived scene where he takes off his shirt to show us all of course.)  Acting hasn’t really improved with age  – he’s always the same… and what was with the eyeliner??????

Jet Li was good as was Jason Statham… I like Jason Statham.  Randy Couture is a decent actor (he’s the one that took out Steve Austin who is was a bad guy.)  Terry Crews got the BIG gun, the one that turned bad guys into hamburger (reminded me of Jesse “The Body” Ventura’s character in Predator), well hamburger has more body – maybe more of a puree?

Plot – recycled.  Pyrotechnics were good.  Fight scenes – loathed the camera angles and choppy editing… totally wrecked the fight scenes.  Dolph and Jet had a huge fight but it was shot from the waist up for most of it and was done amongst a bunch metal beams (a staircase or something) and you couldn’t SEE much of the stuff they seemed to be doing…

The body count on this one is off the scale… I was expecting to see Steven Seagal pop out at some point and break a few more necks.

Two token “babes” … a girlfriend for Jason Statham and the “damsel in distress” that  has to be rescued… and if you still don’t know what “water boarding” actually is and how it is done you will know after watching this movie.

And like the old westerns… guys that were “dead” show up at the end to celebrate the “win” over the evil doers and everyone has a laugh … like I said, RECYCLED!  You could call this movie “green” …

Reduce – the need for actual acting

Reuse – plots

Recycle – aging action stars…

I like action movies… and generally like most of the actors.  Well, except for Dolph Lundgren… I pretty much skip anything he’s in … Mom commented that it was too bad he couldn’t act cause he could have been a real action hero in the movies if he’d been able to.   I reminded her that he had played He-Man to Frank Langella’s Skeletor…

This one was longer than it actually was… when I looked at my watch I was surprised it wasn’t later.  Usually movies go by much quicker.

The theatre was full – first time ever I’ve seen a theatre that full in this town, and it was a Sunday matinée too!!  Mostly adults, mostly male, but many adult couples too.  Didn’t see any teens or kids (this is NOT a kid’s movie on any level.)  

Personally I would give this movie two machine guns out of five.

Oh… and the theatre – we first went thru the right entrance of theatre #10 and wheeled mom into the handicapped spot, and the seat next to it was missing an arm rest, so we then moved to the other side of the theatre – the seat had both arms BUT the seat was covered in gum.  I went and got a handful of paper towels to sit on.

And one more thing… while in line to buy our tickets two large (as in rather tall and good-looking) males got in line behind me and started talking about movies.  My first thought was that they were getting tickets for Expendables too, well… not!  They were going to Eat-Pray-Love and were chatting about their fav Julia Roberts movies as in “do you remember when in Pretty Woman she…”… LOL … oh well…

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